Insanity
by Legacy55
Summary: The experiences of a delusional pony on a psychiatric ward when Twilight Sparkle is sent to inspect the hospital.
1. Chapter 1

(This is an experimental piece that I wrote to try out some new ideas. It's mostly inspired from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, and includes a few names and concepts from the novel. Though this story defers heavily, and is by no means a crossover.)

I see them go by. Dressed in their white lab coats, happily taking puffs from their tobacco filled pipes. They leave a trail of yellow smoke in the hall as they continue to giggle and laugh. Ice cold stethoscopes dangle from their necks, occasionally banging against their heartless chests.

I watch them stop; see as they turn their attention to some poor pony that was banging his head against the wall. They look at him like he's an insect; a rat, a pest.

"Ah Mr. Sefelt, what did we say about leaving the main ward? You must stay under the watchful eyes of the nurses and your fellow patients if you are to get any better."

"I… I…" I watch as his eyes bulge, his lip curls and he looks on the verge of tears.

He crawls away from them, skittering like a spider across the spotless floors. The doctor who spoke grinned, like an animal having cornered its prey.

"It's alright Mr. Sefelt, just come with us and everything will be fine."

Sefelt does everything he can to get away from them and their grubby hooves, but eventually it's all for nothing. In the end they always win, there's no beating them. They grab him and lead him down the hall, out of my sight.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I push open the door and step out into the bright hall. Everything's so white and bright it's blinding, they took the color out of the building a long time ago, so the patient's wouldn't imagine nothing. Made them easier to operate and implement on. They had us all right in their hooves. Ready to be molded and shaped however they saw fit.

I finally hear their hoofsteps stop; the place is dead quiet except for the silent hum of machinery. Occasionally there's the odd scream of some poor soul, but other than that it's quiet.

I slowly pace down the hall, keeping my ears open for the devils dressed in white. I didn't want to go back to the main ward, where they could watch and observe you. Pounce on you at just the slightest sign of rebellion. That's where they had you, where they could control and operate you in any which way they pleased.

I hear a door open at the end of the hallway and I rush through the nearest door as quick as I can. It's dark, too dark to see. But I can smell the stale smoke; the doctor's were going by again. I take a deep breath and keep as quiet as I can, quieter than the dead nights back at the farm when all I heard was the sound of crickets. When all you could see was the dark sky and its millions of shinning dots.

I can feel myself choking; can see the yellow smoke roll in under the door. Within seconds the room is already filled and my eyes are going glossy. My lungs are on fire and I can hardly breath, though I can't scream or nothing. Like somepony had a fierce grip on my neck. I feel myself slipping away as the sound of machinery grew louder.

Suddenly I can breathe again. The smoke disappears and I can no longer hear the doctors and their snide comments. I start going back to my regular breathing and silently sigh. I decide the dark room I'm in is probably the safest place to hide, so I slouch down against the door and sigh.

Most ponies would call me crazy, but I swear everything that happened in this place was real, or at least real enough to me.

I been here a long time, longer than any of the other patients. I've seen all sorts of crazy ponies, but this place don't fix them. Sure, they say they medicate and fix whatever's wrong with you, but they don't _really _fix you. This place is just one of the Combine's thousands of operations; they got them all over the country. Places where they can get in and control you, 'fix' you so you can fit in the machine like a well oiled cog.

Most ponies have no idea they even exist, but that's because they been blinded from reality. Kept hidden and locked away from the truth. But I saw, I saw the Combine and it's impossibly long reaching hooves.

I wait in the darkness for a long time, before finally somepony pushes open the door I been leaning against and I fall flat against the floor. Light pours into the room, letting me know I been hiding in a cramped storage closet.

"Mr. Demens, how many times must we tell you? Your time in the main ward is therapeutic and works towards making you better, sneaking off and sulking in closets isn't going to help." A unicorn mare with a long blonde mane tells me. She's dressed in white, like the doctor's, but her uniform looks like it's been washed with bleach a dozen times over.

I nod at her and slowly get to me hooves. There's no use fighting, she's got me cornered and there's no way out. They always beat you in the end, just like Sefelt. After awhile I learned to just keep me head low, cause standing up just to get knocked down is a waste of everypony's time.

The nurse leads me down the halls, towards the center of the building where the largest room sat. She was the biggest official around here, and I must of seen her and her pale mane a million times now. She was the Big Nurse; the one in charge of making sure things ran smoothly in this operation. She was tall for a mare, and I felt like a little foal tailing behind her huge, imposing figure.

She's the only pony that's been around here longer than me, no doubt cause the Combine knew how efficiently she worked. Sometimes this place felt like a factory, just making parts for a machine. And she ran it like a factory, keepin' tight schedules and rules.

Eventually we reach the main ward, and with a plastic smile she pushes open the door. Already I spot most of the patients. The group who could actually hold a conversation were talking amongst themselves on one side of the room around a table. The rest, at least twenty of 'em were either confined to tight beds or wandering around in a daze.

The room is filled with the same old grey tables and beds. Some paintings that only looked like squiggles to me hung along the walls. A couple nurses wander around, occasionally checking on some of the patients that needed 'help'.

Ellis, one of the ponies that's gonna be here for the rest of their life, stumbles over to me. He's mumbling something about his father, but I can barely understand what's coming out of his twisted mouth cause he's talking so fast. His lips move in a way I've never seen, and the Big Nurse just smiles at him.

"Mr. Ellis, if there's any problem you're having just write it down in the ledger, we'll discuss it later." She's talking about the book sitting on the desk closest to us; it's already open and has faints scrawls of writing across one page.

Ellis just ignores her and stumbles past us, still mumbling at a speed that's almost hypnotic. The Big Nurse just smiles again before turning to me.

"Now, please insure you stay in this room during the appointed hours Mr. Demens."

I nod at her and she hurries over to the ledger to see what inner thoughts some of the patients may have written. I slowly pace over to the group that's talking and listen quietly to their conversation. There's six of them around the table circular.

"Alright Harding, I'll match your two bits!" A brown stallion with a mess of brown hair declared. I watch the stallion across him deal him a card and he curses.

"Ah, it seems lady luck has refused to smile upon you today, Cheswick." Harding smiles as he collects his money, feeling much bigger than his friends.

"Hey hey, what about my cards?! That's twenty-one right there!" One of the more distressed looking ponies butted in. He's got a short black mane, and he's staring intently at the cards resting only inches from his eyes.

"That's a six and four Martini, look at your damn cards man!" Harding snapped at him, casually shaking his head with a dreary sigh. As he did so he noticed me standing a few feet from their table, and quickly spoke up. "Ah Demens, the Big Nurse catch you yet again?"

I just nodded in response, I didn't talk often. Not to any of the patients or the hospital staff.

"Well how many times ha- Martini, I won, that's my money! You only have ten, I have twenty!" Harding once again snaps at Martini as he reaches his grubby hooves towards the pile of bits he had won.

"Look at the cards, that's an ace and king ain't it?!"

Harding gritted his teeth and after a couple moments of cooling off he smiled. "Once again, that is a six and a four. That adds to ten, not twenty-one."

I can see the cards in front of him clearly, and Harding was right. Though Martini was prone to hallucinations so I'm sure he saw 'em differently. After awhile I finally see him lay his hooves off Harding's money, and merely sits awkwardly at the table staring off into the distance.

"Alright, now let's say we deal another hand?"

I break off from their group and wander across the ward. I can feel the Big Nurse's eyes on me, not only hers but a million other pairs. All watching me. Waiting for me to do something wrong, waiting to fix and put me back together.

But I realized a long time ago that keeping low was the only way to survive. When you were big the Combine saw you, they saw the threat you could be and started right away at breaking you. Bringing you down so you can be just like every other pony. And there was no stopping them; you can only be small or be one of them. You couldn't be big and not be part of them.

I pass a stallion who is repeatedly washing his hooves at a drinking fountain. He's doing it so much the tap breaks, spilling water all over the ward. Water just keeps shooting out of the fountain, turning from clear water to some black sludge. Already it's pushed the furniture against the walls and interrupted the card game. They all shout curses as the ink fades from the cards and they can't tell who's got what.

The Big Nurse enters the room and instantly the water stops, no doubt the machinery responding to her. The water all dries up and she paces to the center, turns to the card players with her plastic smile.

"Excuse me gentlemen, but it is three o'clock and time for the meeting as included in the daily schedule."

Immediately they stop their game and pace over to her. She leads them to the emptiest section of the room and they sit in a neat little circle. I wander over to them and merely watch from outside their circle.

"Now, Mr. Cheswick I believe last meeting we were discussing your previous drinking habits. Do you have anything else to share?" The Big Nurse says after she reads over the book levitating beside her.

"I…" Cheswick's eyes sink into their sockets and he stars down at the white tiled floor. "I…"

"Well, perhaps you should discuss why you drank so heavily? Was there something you were running from?"

"I…" I watch Cheswick breath heavily, like an angry bull that's about to charge. Though he looks more like an injured animal in the woods, just lying around waiting to get eaten by some predator. The Big Nurse continues to peer at him with her piercing gaze.

"Please remember Mr. Cheswick, the purpose of all of this is to get better. This is therapy."

She's beating down on him like the desert sun, and now's she's looking more like a vulture waiting for its prey to die. It looks like Cheswick is about to breakdown.

The Big Nurse sighed before looking back at the ledger. "Well, as somepony has written here, you mentioned that you discovered that your wife was cheating on you prior to this. Was this the reason you drank, Mr. Cheswick?"

Cheswick makes a frustrated face and continues to stare at the floor, occasionally tilting his head and letting out little squeaks. If she keeps pushing him he's gonna explode, I can tell. Then they'll have to scrape him off the walls, and man was that a mess. I seen it before when she's pressed them too hard.

"Did you believe that the alcohol would help you get over this?"

Cheswick starts shaking like a teapot; I can see the steam coming from his ears. She was gonna do it, she was gonna make him snap.

Finally she drops her gaze and just turns back to her book. "Well, I suppose we should move on if you have nothing to say…"

After hearing that Cheswick starts to calm down, though he's still staring at the floor. The Big Nurse's eyes move from him to her next target. The next pony for her to prey on and pick apart.


	2. Chapter 2

I see her mouth twist into the same fake smile she's worn a million times. The next poor target she's picked is Simmons, a unicorn who just got here a couple years ago. I hear the doctors and nurses talking about him every once and awhile, and from what I heard he's got somethin' called 'multiple personality disorder'. It was kinda hard telling just which Simmons you were talking to, but every now and again he would breakdown and one of his personalities would _really _show.

"Mr. Simmons, it seems your other personality has written some things in the ledger." The Big Nurse states as she continues to stare at him.

"Yes, Randal does that sometimes…" Simmons mumbles as he gently strokes his fore-leg.

"Well, Randal says that you experienced some trauma in your youth. We've touched on this before, as you must remember. However we never went into any details. Would you like to perhaps explain this trauma further?"

Simmons looks around, sees all the staring faces of ponies just like him. I see him stop stroking himself, looks up to meet the Big Nurse's gaze. "Well I…"

A few moments pass, and Simmons says nothing. The Big Nurse just looks at her ledger before speaking again. "Randal states that you suffered abuse from your father when you were much younger."

I almost think that she's gonna try and make Simmons snap, just like she did with Cheswick. But I'm surprised when I hear Simmons speak up again. "Ye… yes… My parents always used to get into big fights; they would just yell and swear at each other… And… and my father couldn't hit my mother so he… he…"

"So he took it out on you, I understand." The Big Nurse says with her apathetic smile, all the while writing away in a separate book with her magic. "Was this around the time when Randal first started appearing?"

Simmons just nods then goes to staring at the floor. The Big Nurse goes back to writing in her book. As I stare at the speechless circle I see a thin layer of fog enter the room. They got the machines running again, and at full power by the looks of it. Within not even half a minute the mist has filled the room, it's so thick I can barely see the circle.

"You must understand Mr. Simmons, what you experienced was not your fault."

Voices and noises start to get distant; I can feel myself slippin' away. She didn't usually turn the fog on for the meetings, but obviously she realized how reluctant Cheswick was being and was employing another strategy. You would lose yourself in the fog, sometimes for what felt like days. This was just another tool used by the Combine to break us down.

I don't know where it came from, probably the dark depths of the building that even I ain't never seen. All I knew is that when they started it up it meant the Big Nurse was planning something big. She was probably hoping for some big breakthrough, though in these meetings I seen a lot more breakdowns than breakthroughs. They're still talking, but I have no clue where their voices are coming from.

"Last meeting we were discussing the problems Mr. Harding has had with his wife. Constantly, as somepony has kindly written here, Mr. Harding has accused his wife of cheating on him. On one such occasion, she merely laughed in his face and said he was full of shit. Does anypony have anything to comment on?"

Harding's probably feeling like an idiot, saying such things around his so called 'friends'. The truth was the Combine had already gotten to all of us, and most would sell out everypony around them just to get some praise.

Sometimes, when the fog got really thick, I'd start wandering around and suddenly find myself on the other side of the building. So now I learned to just sit still, it was no use trying to find anypony cause you would just lose yourself. I can't see anypony now cause the fog's gotten so thick.

"No? No one has any anything to say about Mr. Harding?"

I'm lost now, so deep in the fog I couldn't even see my own hooves. Suddenly though, I can see somepony. He's sketchy and unfocused, kinda like I was looking at him through a sheet of warped glass. Eventually though, he gets closer and I can tell who it is.

It's Sefelt, and like Ellis he's one of the pony's that's gonna be locked up in here for the rest of their life. I can see his dreary expression; can tell he's staring right at me, begging me to do something.

"I can't help you Sefelt… Nopony can… We're all messed up and can't be fixed…" I tell him that and immediately see how hurt he is. But it was the truth. I couldn't do anything for him, no matter how much he needed it. At least I told the truth, sure I was blunt, but it was better than all of the Combine's and Big Nurse's lies. They couldn't fix us; all they wanted to do was control us.

"I would have hoped that all of you would contribute more, seeing as how much some of you have written here."

Sefelt disappears back into the fog and I'm left along again. Soon though, I see another pony appear. It's a dark coated stallion, his hardly trimmed mane of brown covering most of his ragged face. His name was Scanlon, and he was brought here only a couple years ago.

A thick, dark red line runs all around his neck to form a perfect circle. Almost like somepony drew it red paint, it's so precise and accurate. If anypony asked him about it he'd just claim that it was a birthmark and would drop the conversation. But I knew it wasn't a birthmark, and I think a lot of the other patients did too.

The Big Nurse mentioned it once; she was talking about his 'situation' with one of the doctors. Apparently shortly before he was admitted, Scanlon was so fed up with his miserable life that he tried to hang himself. But either the rope must not of been thick enough, or he just didn't tie it right cause the rope snapped. Leaving him with his life and a scar for the whole world to see.

Scanlon doesn't say anything to me, just stares at me with those blank eyes. I couldn't even bear to meet his gaze so I try my best to avoid his eyes. I just take in his tattered body, worn and beaten from years of self-abuse.

"I… I'm sorry Scanlon…" I croak after a few minutes of just staring at him. I felt obliged to talk, like I needed to try and at least comfort him. "But I can't help you neither… We're… we're all so messed up… I wish I could do somethin'… I wish I could make yours and everypony else's lives all better but… I can't…"

I shake my head at him after I'm done talking. He looks sad, almost hurt like Sefelt did. But he still doesn't say anything. Soon, he disappears back into the fog and it's just me.

"Well… I suppose if no one is willing to say anything, then we may as well conclude this meeting." I hear the Big Nurse's voice through the intense fog, and just as she's done talking it all starts to dissipate. Only a minute has passed and already I see that they're all still in their neat little circle. The rest of the room is just like before, with the psychotic patients wandering around and the staff still watching over them.

The Big Nurse gives them all one last big smile before leaving the room, just an eerie silence left as I started to regain all my senses. I watch the group sit there for awhile, before finally Harding got up and walked back over to their table. Most of 'em followed, but a few, like Cheswick, were still trying to get over the meeting. I turn away and start pacing around the room, taking a few glances at the ponies I past.

One of 'em was slumped against the wall with a blank look on his face. I tried to remember his name, but as I stared at him my mind drew a blank. He was one of the ponies that sat in the corner, never saying a word. Sure, I never talked to anypony, but I at least still had the ability to speak. But just one look at this pony and I could tell what they had done to him.

Lobotomy. The Combine's final weapon in their arsenal. If somepony acted up too much, and if all of their other tools failed, then they'd resort to this to break them down. They'd take them into the operating room, and after they would leave nothing like how they went in. They were left practically dead, almost always non-responsive.

A step down from that was MST. Magic Shock Therapy. They used unicorn magic to induce violent seizures in a patient, and after they'd be left calm and docile. I had never gotten it, and I shuddered to imagine it happening to me. Other than leaving the main ward occasionally, I did everything they told me to do, so I was at least relatively safe.

I reached the edge of the room where the only two windows sat. They were surrounded by thick iron bars, and lookin' through the smudged glass all I could see was grey. The grass, the trees, the sky; all of it was just a depressive grey. I briefly wondered how they changed it all; how the world that I used to remember as so colorful and full of life had been changed to this. I could still remember the huge fields around harvest time; you'd look down 'em and I swear it was like they went on for miles. Looking at all that grey, I knew it wasn't the same.

I just sighed and continued to stare out the window, at the world that had somehow changed so much.

* * *

Little did I know how much things would really change. A couple days later I was mopping a hallway by the main entrance of the building. The Big Nurse was standing by the secretary, reading her ledger with an intent look. As I started to near the doors, a pony came through that drew all the eyes in the room. She looked so different than the ponies I had come to see for so long. Her coat was a gorgeous lavender, and her mane was long and multicolored. Her eyes were a deep magenta, and finally I noticed that she was a unicorn.

The Big Nurse put down her ledger and hurried over to her. "Ah, you must be Princess Celestia's student!" She immediately greeted her with a smile.

"Yes, my name is Twilight Sparkle. And who might you be?"

"Nurse Ratched, I'm the head nurse on this ward."

Twilight returned her smile as the two of them paced over to the desk. I followed them with my eyes, trying my best to hear what they were saying. I was curious to why she was here, we almost never got visitors, and whenever we did they were just relatives of patients.

The name Princess Celestia barely registered in my head as I continued to eavesdrop on them, all the while dragging a mop across the slick floor. I remembered hearing that name a long time ago, before I was in here.

"Well, as I'm sure the Princess told you in her letter, I'm here to examine this hospital." Twilight stated as she turned back to the Big Nurse.

"Yes she did notify us of this, but I do wonder, why is she sending you? I would imagine she would have a government professional for tasks such as this."

"Normally yes, but since the amount of magic you use in your treatments the Princess thinks this would be a good learning experience for me. Though… I can't say I'm going to enjoy this…" Twilight mumbled with a slight frown.

"Yes well it can be very difficult for some… It's not easy seeing ponies such as these. Generally they're not dangerous, but there are all very unhealthy. I truly hope that one day I can fix each and everypony that comes in here…"

I could hear the synthetic tone in her voice, and the word 'fix' really struck out to me. I just went back to moping as I listened to their conversation.

Twilight looked around the room, her eyes resting on me for only a moment. I met her stare, and her face was so much different compared to all the other mare's I had seen for all these years. Her expression was one of compassion rather than the Big Nurse's apathetic look.

Her eyes darted away from me and back to the Big Nurse. "So, why don't you give me a tour of the building? I'll be staying here for the next week, and I'll be taking several interviews with some of the patients and staff. You know, to see how effective all this is."

"Oh course! Follow me this way, and afterwards you could interview me if you'd like. I am the administrator of this hospital after all…"

They went down a hallway and left my sight. I was just staring at the empty room for awhile, before finally I snapped back to my senses and returned to my work. Things were going to be different over the next week. That was for sure…


End file.
